TrollHack's Hack-o-rama

Monday, February 28, 2005

I expressing my fookin' opinion!

All of you fookin' losers is bollocks, and I talk you what I say!

I'm so tired of people telling me I'm a "Script Kiddie". What the fook is that all about? I invent the hack-o-tron 2000, right? You're all a bunch of the part that comes out of dogs bum, is all. I know all that and more!

I've got lots of stuff prove I'm real hacker god, and if I wasn't sworn by secrecy act of 1912 I qwould prove it all you.

If you don't understnad that, then start drinking. I am drinking lots and it makes perfect sense to me! I drink and I still smarter than you. You're all bollocks, and dog bottoms, and uggly, where I big and tall and much lifting.

Lstly, whoever said I was pointless, and had no point, was barking up the wrong fookin' tree. I matter, and if I wasn't out here to tell you what fookin' idgits you were, who would?? Huh? How would you know you were so stupid?

Sod off, I going to pub to refuel my righteous anger.

TrollHack (All your base are secure)

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy Fookin' New Year, you mutts!

Having declined a lot of unwelcome invitations to stupid fookin' parties, I'm taking this time to wish all of you mutts a happy fookin' new year... It's hot as hell in this trailer (must be the swamp humidity) and I'm having more fun than any of you... who cares if you're at a party, I'm not there! So how much fun can it actually be?

Besides, none of you have my combined experience at fun parties (much of the training I received while in "The Agency"), and are probably just having inneffectual "circle jerks" to bad music.

Anyway... I need another Brandy and I'll be all right... ahhh yes, much better.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

TrollHack's Fookin' Christmas Wish List

Buy me this stuff, and I won't turn the Hack-o-tron 2000 on your cheap computer!

Let's here it then... Father Christmas doesn't like me anymore, so I'm asking you blokes to make this a Merry Fookin' Christmas for the hacker of the century!


Especially "Mr. Hops".... I really like those.

Friday, December 10, 2004

How to hack into the BIOS

You heard it here first! The woot hackmaster elite has the latest hack insider info for you. This one's top secret so don't tell your friends, or I'll hack your computer using the hack-o-tron 2000 I built out of old Atari joysticks and a curling iron.

You can read about this fookin' hack secret on Security News Portal (where I'm a big man, indeed):

Now if that doesn't convince you that I'm the number one hackdaddy ever there was, I'll just have to keep providing you with super hacker info until you ARE convinced.


P.S. I'm watching you... all of you... via the hack-o-tron 2000... so watch out!

I learned Karate from Bruce Lee!!

Yeah, that's right! I'm a one-man fookin' disaster. Bruce Lee tought me everything he knows about Karate in 1976, and after that, I went on to become the official bodyguard for the King of France. Let me tell you, the King of France was a loser. I've seen bigger things in ashtrays. But you don't get paid 8 figures a year as a bodyguard to think, you get paid to guard bodies.

Of course, during that time, I was required to learn a lot of computer stuff because everybody knows the first thing a good bodyguard must know is hacking. Much of my hacking discipline derives from my fookin' training with Bruce.

So, everybody be really scared of me, because my body is a deadly weapon and my brain is bigger than everybody else's.

** P.S. the rumors going around that I'm a diminutive weakling with short man's complex are entirely false. I'm over 7 feet tall and my biceps are bigger than tree trunks. I can bend steel with my fookin' quadraceps!